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Need a Shot of Mojo?

One of my advisors has an interesting take on where she thinks many professionals are stuck.

She says, particularly in the drag race that is New York, many hard charging men and women have had the mojo beaten out of them.

Whereas most of us started our careers feeling unstoppable, somewhere in our twenties and thirties, after sustaining inevitable setbacks, many of us feel like we’ve lost a step.

And while it can sometimes feel like that mojo got left behind with Austin Powers, like a well-driven Aston Martin that has taken a few dings over the years, often we only need a little touch-up.

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Fill Your Windshield

I started listening to podcasts.

For years I’ve known that plenty of people are putting out great content on podcasts, but, quite frankly, I haven’t made the time to listen.

It was my loss. I’m listening now.

This weekend I listened to The Unmistakable Creative podcast with Srini Rao interviewing author of The Talent Code, Dan Coyle.

He shared many fascinating insights on unlocking human performance, and there was one particular metaphor that deeply stuck with me.

Throughout the podcast, Dan talked about “filling your windshield,” meaning, what you are looking at, with the people and things that you want to be your reality.

In describing how people develop quickly in “talent hot beds,” Dan uses the example of a skateboard park.

Every day, kids are surrounded by better skaters, going for it, ripping new tricks. And, up and coming skaters can be constantly filling their windshield with these role models.

When they are in the park, they’re not just practicing on their own, or surrounded by people who allow them to coast, but they are constantly shown a successful role model of who they could be.

Those skaters who are serious about developing, not only watch, but learn to emulate their role models, then over time, become role models to others, and so on.

It is in this way that talent hot beds in Russia consistently produce top tennis players, kids riding around together all get better faster, and we can each challenge ourselves to new levels of performance.

Fascinating way to see it, right?

A question it inspired in me was: To keep getting more of what you want, how should you be filling your windshield?

Get In Over Your Head!!

I love this quote from T.S. Eliot— “If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?”

It reminds me of this quote from Mario Andretti— “If everything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough.”

There’s a common theme here, right?

The other day my buddy Paulo threw a backflip off a jump in Vail.

He landed it near perfectly but he blasted off the bindings on the backs of his skis, which apparently weren’t built for his type of crazy.

Now, truth be told, while it is pretty nuts to throw a backflip on skis, when you understand the process behind it, it’s not that crazy.

Some years ago Paulo and I were hanging out in Manhattan with his buddy Nick who is pretty handy on a motorcycle.

Both guys were having a good laugh about how Nick used to jump his dirt bike over one of the neighbors houses.

“WHAT?” I said to him. “I used to ride dirt bikes, but I never did anything that crazy.”

He went on to say that it’s not that crazy when you simply build up to it over time, a notion he called Raising the Baseline.

He said, at first you start with small jumps, then you get to bigger jumps, and before you know it seems quite normal to be soaring over the neighbor’s house.

Doing a backflip on skis works the same way.

Paulo started jumping with skis on a trampoline, then down a ramp into a pool, then into an air bag, and once he built the confidence and competence to not kill himself, he raised the baseline to go vertical on snow.

While these two examples are extreme, we all have plenty of our own experiences of just how far we can take it when we are first willing to get in over our heads.

one secret, 35 seconds

Yesterday on a lift, a guy from Boston got asking me about what I do.

After telling me that he too wants to do more of what he wants…he asked, “What is one secret that you can give me right now in 35 seconds?”

I told him, it’s easy for me, but you’re probably not going to like it.

That’s because it’s one simple idea, but it requires doing something hard…

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Commit yourself to developing new skills…commit yourself to get better. “

So, I asked him, if you could develop one skill that would have the most impact in getting more of what you want, what would it be?

“What do you mean?” he asked.

From what I knew about his job he needs to be disciplined in how he uses his time, and he drives his path to success by selling himself and his firm.

Naturally I asked him, “If you commit yourself to this year building mastery at managing your time and learning skills of selling, won’t you get more of what you want?

He agreed, so I threw him two shortcuts: Eat That Frog and How To Master The Art of Selling are two books that give you a good start on mastering both skills.

Done. 35 seconds.

That’s the secret. But it’s also the easy part.

Now it’s up to him to put in the effort and practice to learn the skills for doing he wants…

Get more and more excited!!

My buddy emailed to tell me that storm Kayla was coming through Colorado so I checked the snow report—

“Looking ahead, we’ll see a strong storm hit Colorado on Saturday…very heavy snow on Saturday afternoon and Saturday night with double digit (10+ inch) snow totals…”

Woo-hoo!!!!

That’s how I feel, especially given I postponed my trip to New York, again (actually, again, again, again).

Some time ago I set the goal to infuse more and more pleasure into all things.

It really started when my friend Jane got into hypnosis and she showed me how just by imagining a time in your life you can feel that way again.

And in fact, if you really build up this memory and intensify the amazing feelings you had back then, you can feel as though it is happening again now.

When I started writing, the predominate strong negative emotion was ARRGGHH and I had to discipline (force) myself to write by sticking to a schedule.

Over time as I kept writing I learned to enjoy it more, but I wanted to truly love doing it.

I no longer wanted it to be something I forced myself to do, but something that I went to bed excited to wake up and do.

Like as a kid on Christmas Eve barely able to sleep because I was so excited to wake up and tear open the presents, I wanted to feel the same way.

How would it be if you could wake up with this type of excitement?

How amazing would it be to live this way every day?

What would you have to think or do to keep “rehearsing” feeling this way?

Like, for me, just imagining waking up on Sunday to a foot of snow gets me there…

You may not be a fish but…

My friend said to me, “You’re obviously very self-aware, so you probably know this…”

I thought, OK, where is this headed?

Then he said, “There is a marked difference in the way that you write when you are in Vail relative to when you are in NYC.”

Hmmm, I’d just come off a site I write at and read some hater comments and I thought, here we go…

Then he said, “Your tone, your timbre, the way you write, it’s all different.”

OK. Good or bad, different?

Then he said, “It’s just more upbeat..it’s more like a…forceful positivity.

It surprised me. I hadn’t seen that.

You don’t notice your nose every time you look out even though it is stuck on the front of your face, but upon further consideration it was all quite obvious.

On my way out to Vail in November I wrote an angry piece about the media 24/7 blasting news about the Paris bombings in order to drive ratings…

When I got to Vail, I paid zero attention to all that.

Just leaving NYC and coming to Vail I stopped talking to people about the noise of the world, the economy, the pathetically JV debates we call an election, the markets, credit bubble, unemployment, and whatnot.

In Vail you don’t talk to people about that; you mostly just talk about how awesome it is.

How awesome was that run? How awesome is the snow? Man, it’s so awesome just to be out here…

You may not be a fish but your environment is your reality.

2 Steps to Killing It in 2016! (pt 2)

Hopefully you had a chance to do part one of this exercise that you can find here.

There you reviewed 2015, in particular focusing on re-living the ways that you killed it and could have killed it more, even imagining that you had…That was step one.

Here’s step two: Set goals for 2016.

Here you’re going to lay out five categories of goals for 2016. And you’re not just going to set them, but work your way through a ridiculously powerful four-step process to get yourself to stick to your goals…

1. Set the vision: Dream and scheme, baby. Sit back, close your eyes if you want, and imagine your year playing out how you want it to be. Really imagine it. See it. Make it bigger and brighter. And feel it. Really feel like this is your year, and watch yourself taking the actions and getting the results you want.

Now, for a few moments go beyond this year: Look out 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, a lifetime, and see how 2016 is setting you up! Feel the excitement!!

2. Choose five categories of goals. You will break down each goal in more detail in step 3, but for now choose your goals.

For instance, my five goals are: Loving my fabulous life (yes, I set it as my #1 goal to be loving my life). Driving my business. Family. Friends. And most importantly, my spiritual path and serving. Notice that for me common goals like health, personal development, mindset, and success are missing because they are omnipresent in my life. Some others might be missing that are most important for you.

3. Break down each goal into sub-goals (e.g. a sub-goal of Driving my business is writing my third book), set specific goals for 2016, and then apply the filters A-E:

A. Add Pain: Look, the truth is that us humans more often than not respond to pain more than pleasure. So before you get all excited about what you get from achieving your goals, first ask yourself, what pain will you get from failing to commit and take action? What pain will you feel if you let yourself down? If you wimp out? Will you feel like someone who can’t cut it? Someone who isn’t willing to do what it takes to succeed? Is that who you are? Feel it, add that pain to giving up on your goals, and give yourself the leverage you might need.

B. Add Pleasure: Really feel what you get from your goals. Don’t just think about it, but really feel it. I mean, really. So, if you said, you want a new man or woman in your life, ask yourself, what do you get through that? What is the feeling? Loving someone? Being loved? Sharing deeply? Really, go into the feeling and ask yourself, what do you get through that feeling? If it’s being loved, what do you get through that? And through that? And that? Keep asking this question, going deeper into bliss, and tying as much pleasure as you can to your goals…

C. Get clear on your outcome: Get clear on your target and visualize your goal, feeling what it’s like to blow through your target. Really feel it. Imagine yourself at the end of 2016 looking back and seeing that you killed it. How does this feel? Really, again, like you did in Step B, go deep into this feeling. Punch the air. Celebrate. Imagine what you will do and how you will feel. Imagine, who have you become?

D. Get clear on your process: The reason most people will never get what they want is because they are focused on “manifesting” the outcome, when they need to be absorbed in taking the actions that drive success. Look forward and get clear on what needs to happen to get the results you want. Draw up a plan, imagine yourself taking the actions, and commit right now to take them. Infuse the pleasure of your goal into the actions you imagine taking and also the pain you will get from failing to take them…

E. Get BETTER: Goals are not about what you get, but who you are becoming. Look, if you’ve set a real goal (one that actually requires you to get better or otherwise fail), then you must grow if you want to succeed. So, how are you going to grow? How do you see yourself differently? What do you commit to do differently every day to become the person who is crushing your goals? Write out five things you plan to do differently and apply pain to failing to do them. Is that overcoming fears? Building new skills? Training your mind and body for success? Again, commit yourself to doing what it takes, ask yourself how you will feel if you wimp out, and commit to take action.

4. Super-review: For each of your goals, take your time to carefully work through Steps A-E. Then, after you imagine each goal coming together, sit back and close your eyes for at least ten minutes and imagine all of the pieces coming together making your year even more magical than you could have imagined.

I suggest you take hours if not days or weeks (as I have with a number of clients) to write out detailed ideas for these steps and to specifically tune how your pain and pleasure and focus and actions and growth bring all of this together for you.

Then for the duration of 2016, review a summary of your goals every morning, and the detailed notes at least every couple of weeks. Use this to hold yourself to your goals and to commit yourself to the progress targets required to achieve them.

Oh, and have fun. I’m serious. Look, I’m serious about goals. I’m serious about my business. I’m serious about you getting what you want, but you’ve gotta be having fun. This life, this one moment, this one year, this is all we have…LOVE IT

Think of Kobe Bryant. He’s competitive as heck and wants to win, but every time he runs out on the court he’s playing the game he loves…AND KILLING IT.

Make 2016 the same way!

Have you hit the redline?

When I was back in LA I drove my old 911 Turbo which my buddy now owns.

Leaving dinner he kindly invited me to drive, and after adjusting the seat and mirrors, flicking the switch into sport mode we made a beeline for The 10.

Dropping it back into 2nd, nudging the front-end around the corner onto the ramp, I did what I used to do—I throttled it.

Twin turbos blowing, 500 foot-pounds of torque shooting through the P zeros on the front and rear, we launched.

Hitting third I merged with the late night traffic doing close to double their speed. Hitting fourth we left them long behind the whirl of the turbos, and by fifth, well, by then I was braking and backing it off.

Slowing down, my face lit up like a teenage boy discovering a stack of Playboy’s in the garage, I remembered back to the first time I did that.

It was the day I bought the car, only it went a little differently back then. Without any restraint, flooring it in fourth doing some ungodly speed, I hit the redline.

In that instant the car burped and lost all of its power. I learned when to back it off and when to find another gear.

Many people have the same dynamic in their career.

What about you? Is it time to back it off or find another gear?

What is more disheartening?

Over dinner at Monkey Bar my friend realized she went to school with the waiter.

Having not seen each other for more than a decade they took a fun trip down memory lane.

Then, when she asked him what he was now doing, he said what you hear all too often.

He was still chasing his dream as an actor, and waiting tables is how he pays the bills to keep his dream alive.

Afterwards I got thinking how hard it must be to have a dream for your life that you can’t make come true.

I thought, to chase your dream for years, even decades, and to not seem to be getting any closer must be disheartening.

Yet then I thought, what is more disheartening, forever living inside the excitement of chasing your dream or giving up altogether?

Practice, Practice, Practice, Practice

Vince Lombardi’s Power Sweep is famous in football.

John Madden said when he watched Lombardi teach the sweep, he spent four hours straight covering this one play before breaking for lunch.

Then, after lunch, he came back and spent another four hours on it.

By the time he was done Madden realized that before learning from Lombardi he knew nothing about the sweep.

That’s not because it was complicated.

As Lombardi put it, “You think there’s anything special about this sweep? Well, there isn’t. It’s as basic a play as there can be in football.”

What made Lombardi’s sweep special was that he played to a higher standard.

As he said, “We simply do it over and over and over. There can never be enough emphasis on repetition. I want my players to be able to run this sweep in their sleep. If we call the sweep twenty times, I’ll expect it to work twenty times…not eighteen, not nineteen.”

That mentality made Lombardi legendary at winning and it will do the same for you.

Often when I’m ranting about what it takes to get what you want, people say to me, “I already know that.”

I respond, “Of course you do, but are you doing it?”

We all know Gladwell’s 10,000 hour rule, but how many of us are following it?

It doesn’t matter what you know. It doesn’t matter if you are certain of what it takes to keep winning.

All that matters is, are you practicing over and over and over until you can do it in your sleep?

screw patience

It took me a decade to transform my career and life.

Stepping back after the Internet bubble burst in 2000 it wasn’t until tens of thousands of hours later that I felt I had found my way.

Often people tell stories of their journey as though with near-perfect foresight they had it mapped out all along, but that certainly wasn’t the case for me.

It was more like when you wake up in the dead of night and need to go to the bathroom. You don’t want to turn on the light and wake up yourself or your other half, so you just stumble in the right direction.

Sometimes you forget that you had left a pair of shoes lying around or the bathroom door is closed so you trip up or bang your head on a solid piece of plywood, but you keep making your way.

Mine was a long California road riddled with potholes that today I would journey differently.

Back then I was impatient, and like racing a hot blonde in a topless black 360 Modena on Sunset at 2:00am I could have much more enjoyed the ride.

Building something and transforming your career and life can take years, and there is no virtue in patience, only your life.

Patience is a foolish illusion—a way of pretending to be comfortable with waiting—and I suggest stop pretending and love your life.

No matter where you want to get to you will only ever be right here. So you might as well just love being here right now.

When you’re taking deliberate action you have no need for patience. You might still be stumbling in the dark but you’re getting where you want to go.

Forget Criticism, Become Immune To Praise

There is an interesting notion in Vipassana meditation.

You see, when you sit for some time with your legs crossed under you, until you become expert at that posture, you suffer extraordinary pain.

At first it just feels uncomfortable.

Then your legs get that pins and needles feeling. And then it just hurts.

It pretty much just hurts for years, but you learn to work with the pain.

Work With The Pain

You don’t label it. You watch it expand and contract, move in waves, whatever it does.

You don’t try to resist it. You stop thinking, How long will this last?

You just sit with it.

Through working with the pain, you learn you are not the feeling body and the thinking mind.

Now, here is the thing.

Some teachers will say: well, why work with pain when you can work with pleasurable sensations in the body?

Some will even go so far as to say it is part of the teaching that they have harems of women.

It’s Easy To Fool Yourself With Pleasure

I call bullshit because of something I think legendary teacher, Shinzen Young, told me, or helped me see.

You can fool yourself with pleasure.

You can pretend that you have transcended, or perhaps mastered the body/mind, but why then be pulled toward the pleasure?

I used to think that the hard part about my job was becoming immune to criticism.

But as I got more into it, I realized that wasn’t the hard part.

You can become all badass and say, “I don’t care what other people think,” but if on the other side there is this small part of you that gets excited when someone likes a photo you took, or feels a hit of validation for every person who likes what you wrote, then what have you achieved?

You may be immune to criticism, but you are “controlled” by your cravings for praise.

If you want to truly become immune to criticism, begin the other way.

Become immune to praise.