All the time people tell me how hard it can be to change.
It’s so true. Many of us strongly resist changing our brand of shampoo or toothpaste, let alone anything that truly matters in life.
Change can be hard to make because near everything we do is habitual, but there are also ways that we make change harder on ourselves… which are easy to change.
Ironically, in the world of personal development, one way is to stop making change so personal.
Who Is The “I?”
“I’m” just not any good at this?
“I’ve” always been this way.
“I” know that I need to change, and “I’m” really trying hard…
While it’s of course natural for us to conduct ourselves in first person, whenever we use a derivative of the pronoun “I,” we’ve made it personal, and this can make it infinitely harder to change.
Instead of simply changing a behavior—such as getting angry—or an attribute—such as our hair color—now it’s about us and how we’re a flawed little “I.”
And because that “I” inside each of us hates to be diminished, let alone told it is inferior in some way, when confronted it’s far more likely to get insecure, resistant, defensive than it is to embrace even its own desire to change.
See Yourself As A Doer
If you grab a kid by the collar and give them a “good talking to,” scolding them for their bad performance and rattling off all the ways that they can improve, how would you expect them to respond?
Most kids would get upset, or defensive, and even that subservient kid who dutifully does what you say will likely resent you over time.
A smart parent knows that approach fails, yet we often fail to see that it also fails with ourselves.