You see this formula over and over again in bad marriages.
Men and women have different needs.
The woman is seeking more emotional fulfillment, the man more physical.
When the relationship is physical, the man thinks it’s all good, and when there is an emotional connection, the woman thinks it is.
But then it goes awry.
She begins to feel her emotional needs aren’t being met (which is almost inevitable because, having never been taught, many of us men are emotionally incompetent).
Unable to talk to him about it, she holds out on sex and intimacy.
Now his physical needs are unmet. Unable to talk about it, he gets frustrated, which creates more emotional distance, which increases her unmet emotional need.
She blames him and he blames her.
If they still care, they fight it out or worse they go to a therapist.
Like he’s not part of the problem, he says, “I just want you to be happy.”
She says, “Well you aren’t making me happy.”
He says, “It’s not my job to make you happy.”
And the more they talk about it, the less happy they get, and the more their physical and emotional needs remain unmet.
What’s the solution?
It’s shockingly easy to fix, but only if they are willing to evolve.